You probably think this is creepy, but a few years ago I started reading obituaries. Having grown up in the area I still live in, I have a perhaps morbid curiosity in knowing if any of my former classmates have preceded me in passing. I’ve noticed that a word commonly used in the obits is the word “battle,” e.g., he/she passed after a 2-year battle with cancer. Occasionally, an obit will even say that someone passed away after a “lifelong battle” with [some malady].
This year I find myself thus engaged. But my physical battle pales by comparison to another battle silently taking place within me. I am engaged in a battle with unbelief—taking place in my mind; the enemy’s attempts to make me doubt God’s goodness, loving-kindness, and His right of sovereignty. Paul uses battlefield language: “taking all thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ” (2 Cor. 10:5).
After years of action on the frontlines, you’d think I should be well-prepared. But I am finding that while past revelations of truth are enabling me to “stand firm,” I have to begin each day in the holy discipline of putting on my armor (Eph. 6:13-15). This is where past-learned truths become today's reality. Andrew Murray said it well: “Between the faith that accepts a promise and the experience that fully receives the promise lie years of discipline and training.” Surely this is what we would call the battle of a lifetime.
Greg,
ReplyDeleteA few weeks after my own surgery that saved my life a friend asked how I was doing. I replied that I had resumed having energy and endurance and was grateful for that. But what I did not inform him was that I had, at that moment, finally realized that I had been caught completely off guard by the experience, and had felt like God had neglected to warn me of some things that I could have avoided.
Later that day I realized also that I had not been in the richness of God's fellowship since my operation. It was as if a barrier had been erected between He and I "while I was sleeping" in the recovery room.
Oh....
My operation was August 29th of last year. And it was precisely because I had neglected to purposefully put on the armor of God every day before my friend's inquiry that I am still recovering in my spirit from the damage I allowed my doubts to effect.
My doubts became as follows: God is rich; but He's not that generous. God gives information; but He's not that transparent. God is all-powerful; but He is not that great. God is exceptional; but He is not that good. I questioned God's motives, His truthfulness, His supremacy, and His character. All of this cloud moved into my life because I felt deprived of key information about my body ahead of time that could have (maybe) headed off the necessity for my operation in the first place. Had I been diligent to obey the injuction to put on the armor of God this long period of silence between God and myself would have been averted.
Blessings upon you, Greg, for your example and warning via your own experiences as they are among the remedies in God's medicine bag to apply to those suffering from their own neglect and subsequent failure to engage in battle on the most basic of levels. The enemy does not care even if you are a declared pacifist--you puncture quite easily when you are armorless.
"...and having done all, to stand." (Eph.6:13)
Stan
Thank you for sharing your personal experience with us, Stan. Your experience reminds me that the enemy is so effective at covert operatations. We could be harboring feelings of resentment for years unknowingly. Then something triggers it and we can't help but see it. He was faithful to you, Stan, to surface this before it got any bigger! And you were able to see it because you are so trained in self-examination. "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall 'see' God."
ReplyDeleteBlessings, Greg
Hello Greg,
ReplyDeleteSorry for the lag in posting a reply. I honor your willingness to share in this blog.
Doubt may be belief applied in a different direction than what is traditionally called faith. Doubts can be useful if they drive the questions that drive us to understand more and more about God. Sometimes we experience life with our own presuppositions about God ("God is like this, so God has to do that"). But we have a flawed perspective of God. If we hold to that flawed perspective, it is a mild form of idolatry in that we are worshiping that which is not God. God is committed to taking down the idols in our lives. We assume that because God is good, God is safe. We cling to our views of both goodness and safety. To paraphrase the CS Lewis line, "God may not be safe, but He is good."
But I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. And that end will be both good and ultimately safe for you. Just remember, grip the One who is gripping you (who cannot fail! woohoo!).
Godspeed! Larry Q