Is there anything harder than having to forgive someone who does not apologize, or even admit that what they did hurt us? Or, isn’t it aggravating when the offender begins his or her apology with the word “IF”—if I have offended you”—signaling that they are less sorry about what they did than having to apologize.
Unilateral forgiveness is hard. But since we are awash in God's love and acceptance, we have more than enough of His love to extend to another. Hence, we forgive people whether they are sorry or not, whether they apologize or not. Forgiveness is the ‘currency’ of God’s economy of love. As God spent His love on us, so can we on others, paying it forward. Thus the offending person’s actions or reactions become, objectively, irrelevant.
And lest some very hurt person should read this and sink into despair, be encouraged: forgiveness is not a feeling; it’s a choice and an act of faith. Yes, it may be the hardest thing you ever do, but when your faith is tested in this way, you will become perfectly secure in God’s love and acceptance.
Yesterday, NY Times columnist David Brooks wrote an article, “Modern view prevents us from seeing evil in others,” about the slaughter of 16 Afghan women & children by a seemingly normal Sgt. Robert Bales. Attempting to answer how such a good guy could commit such evil, Brooks explains: “In centuries past, most people would have been less shocked by the homicidal eruptions of formerly good men because they grew up in a world view that put sinfulness at the center of human personality.” But today, no one believes in man's depravity thanks to the“man-is-good” ideals of Sigmund Freud, Carl Rogers, and Mr. Rogers!
Many times in this blog I've expressed my concern about how this “therapeutic, person-centered” philosophy has affected our interpretation of the Bible—giving us the ‘forgive-yourself,’ ‘love-yourself’ version, where sinful behaviors are attributed to past hurts (we are victims, not sinners), and where freedom is measured by improvements in self-esteem.
Over three centuries ago, King David wrote, “There was a time when I wouldn’t admit what a sinner I was. But it made me miserable and filled my days with frustration… My strength evaporated like water on a sunny day until I admitted all my sins [and when I did] He forgave me, and all my guilt was gone” (Ps 32:3-5). Two centuries ago, John wrote: “If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness” (1 John 1:9).
As Altha and I advance into our 60’s we seem to be commenting more frequently on what-we-think-is our increasing forgetfulness—the telltale signs of ‘aging.’ But then I remember how forgetful our children were as teen-agers and even as young adults.
But as feeble as our minds (at any age) may be, it seems all of us (at every age)have an amazing ability to remember things we would be better off forgetting—like, all the hurts, disappointments, betrayals, and grievances of our past. Isn’t it remarkable! You can forget where you parked your car at the mall 30 minutes ago, but when it comes to perceived injury, slight, or infraction, your memory never fails you?
Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony (Col. 3:12-14).
Miriam Webster defines “longing” as “a strong persistent yearning or desire, especially one that cannot be fulfilled.” We are aware of our longing for God (Psalm 42:1-2; 63:1-2). But does the God of the Universe have longings? “Unfulfilled” longings?
The answer lies in looking at Jesus. God’s longing is seen through Jesus as He seeks to heal those who are hurt and sick and held captive to sin. Does Jesus not say “I have come to seek to save that which was lost?” (Luke 19:10) Is this not the longing of God's heart.
In Luke 15, Jesus tells three stories of longings—each one representing the “Father-heart” of God: the shepherd searching for the one lost sheep out of a hundred, of a woman who searches for a lost coin, and of a father who welcomes his wayward son home. Each parable pictures a longing—even an urgency—to find that which was loved and lost. In our sometimes self-centered (please-meet-my-needs) search for God, we forget it is God, initially and preveniently, who is longing for us.
You don’t have to be a psychologist to know that when people are hurt, they “distance” themselves from the one who hurt them. It’s the safest way not to be hurt again!
Unfortunately, when people misunderstand God’s work in their lives, they feel hurt and want to distance themselves from Him too. In Jeremiah 2:5 God says: “What injustice did your fathers find in Me that they went far away [distanced themselves] from me?”
No one knows the Father’s heart like Jesus. And Jesus tells us God is like a gardener pruning a vine—cutting away “natural” growth, SELF LIFE that is keeping HIS LIFE from producing more fruit. In employing this analogy—pruning/cutting—in John 15, Jesus also uses the word “abide.” That the branch must abide in the vine seems self-evident, doesn’t it!
The significance is this: ABIDING is the opposite of DISTANCING. Jesus is saying when the Father is cutting away your self-life, it may hurt. And your reaction may be to ‘move away’ or detach yourself from Him: stay connected to Me—“abide,” He says. Image a branch trying to detach itself from the vine! And it is just as absurd to distance ourselves from God. If we detach or disconnect from Him, we disconnect from the source of life, and can bear no fruit. And worse, we will whither.
I saw a bumper sticker one time that read: “If you feel far away from God, guess who moved?”
