How Can You Minister to People Who don’t Want to Change?

I lived in Afghanistan for almost two years. While there, I traveled to remote villages as an invited guest to my students’ homes. And though the Peace Corps cautioned us against it (because of such strong cultural differences), I lived with an Afghan family. Since I am intimately acquainted with the culture of this country, I am more than the casual observer of events there.

Recently, I read a statement by a U.S. commander who said ‘walking through Afghanistan is like walking through the Old Testament.’ I can attest to that. People live today as they have for centuries. And most Afghans outside of Kabul are very isolated from the outside world. They have been ruled for centuries by local ‘heads of clan,’ called warlords. I can assure you these warlords do not want to change! As America and its allies attempt to develop a successful strategy in Afghanistan they must answer this question: How do you help people who don’t want to change and may not even like you for trying?

Then in this morning’s Mercury I read: “Bristling with impatience, Obama sternly prodded Israel and Palestinian leaders to re-launch Mideast peace negations…” Of course for this to happen, these two countries will have to change. It is unlikely to happen; neither one wants to.

Whether global or personal, it is the same. Who doesn’t know the frustration of trying to help someone who doesn’t believe he needs help. I am quite sure that in your own sphere of influence even right now you are experiencing this frustration—perhaps as a parent, or spouse, or close friend. Do you feel like giving up? I am sure that you, like me, would prefer helping people who are responsive and grateful for your concern.

What is my point? Helping people will always cost you—in ways you can’t anticipate. How will you handle the reality that others don’t want to change and don’t want your help? Will you give up and walk away? Will you lose control and blow up? Whether it’s ungrateful Afghans, stubborn Palestinians, feckless Pakistanis, or just annoying neighbors, the hardest thing you will ever do is love someone who doesn’t even like you let alone appreciate how you may be trying to help them.

Reflect on the words of Peter: “Don't repay evil for evil. Don't retaliate when people say unkind things about you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God wants you to do, and he will bless you for it. Christ is your example. Follow in his steps. He did not retaliate when he was insulted. He did not threaten to get even. He left his case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly.” (1 Peter 3:9; 2:20-23 NLT, abbreviated)

We would all like to see the fruit of our labor more quickly. But the reality is long-standing, entrenched patterns of thought and behavior change slowly. Don’t get angry. Don’t give up! God never gave up on you.