Contrary to Modern Psychology, Self-Hatred is Good

We say we want to crucify our flesh, but as soon as it starts to hurt, we pull back—the reason: we love ourselves.

Yet Jesus said "If anyone comes to me, and does not hate his own life, he cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:26). In our psycho-friendly churches, we are taught to love ourselves. Our teachers say ‘go easy on yourself; after all, you are only human’. In 1981, a Christian book “Make Friends with Your Shadow” captured the essence of this philosophy: “how to accept and use positively the negative side of your personality.” Our ‘flesh’ was redefined as a “friend,” a 'wounded child' within us. Peter says you are to wage war against your flesh (1 Pet. 2:11) but how can you do so if you see it as your friend?

So how do we hate ourselves? As we grow in love with God, embracing His holiness, we progressively hate everything He hates, and that includes our self-centered flesh. You ask: does God hate? Yes. Solomon tell us the seven things God hates (Prov. 6:17-19). Then Moses tells us God hates idoloatry (Deut 12:31). God hates everything that hurts the things He loves. Humanly speaking, if you love someone, you hate whatever would harm that person. If you're a parent, you hate anything that would harm your children. If you're married, you hate anything that would hurt your spouse. So it should be with God: “You who love the Lord, hate evil" (Ps. 97:10).

When Jesus says hate your own life, He means your self-life (your self-reliance, self-sufficiency, self-love) because it opposes God-love, God-reliance, God-sufficiency. When you see how offensive and grievous your ‘own life’ is to God, you will hate it. The more you try to please God in your own strength and fail to do so, the more you will hate your ‘own life.’