As a training specialist with the U.S. Dept. of Agriculture, I conducted a course for managers called “Dealing with Difficult People.” It was always well-attended! As you know, it's not just a workplace problem—all relationships can be hard at some time.
The workplace training put emphasis on the “difficult person" and very little on the manager’s attitude or feelings toward that person. Why? because it’s easier to focus on someone else’s problems than to take responsibility for your own. Jesus (who dealt with lots of difficult people) confronted that attitude when He said: “why worry about a speck in your friend's eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying, `Friend, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,' when you can't see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log from your own eye; then perhaps you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye. (Lk. 6:41-42 NLT).
Before you can even begin ‘dealing’ with a person who may be difficult for you, you must ask God WHY He put the person in your life. Don’t presume God has engaged you to be His “agent of change” for that person. It may be God has employed that person to be His “agent of change” for you! Through your negative reaction to that person, God is revealing your need for change—for “heart surgery”—to fashion in you a heart of love, compassion, kindness, and forbearance (Col. 3:10-12).
As you cultivate God’s perspective (seeing through His eyes) He will guard you from a critical spirit. When you look at yourself first (Gal 6:2) and on what God is doing in your heart, the more humbly you will approach the weaknesses of others. Only then are you qualified to be God’s “agent of change.”
Greg,
ReplyDeleteAmong the default settings we seem to have as humans is the one that assesses a cmprehensive value to individuals based upon their proximity to our own personal value system(s). The closer they are the more valuable they are to us, and vise versa. And while we often find we must work side-by-side with individuals whose system of values is distant from ours we often have to lay aside our differences for the sake of a common goal. But that still doesn't seem to ultimately impact our opinion of their value as a human being. They often only become a necessary evil in our going forward to accomplish the task at hand.
Jesus knew his disciples were deeply entrenched in this "art" because of their cultural prejudices and the fact that the leadership of their society actually sanctioned this practice. In Matthew chapter five He touches on this issue and reveals the fact that this ungodly practice can easily escalate into a "pre-murderous" condition of the heart.
Jesus had a way of removing the candy-coating off of sin and pulling back the curtain of God's thoughts on our self-serving practices. By doing so He doesn't make our tendencies any easier; He just gives parameters on how to reset our deFAULT settings by placing them firmly in the context of HIS opinion regarding the value of ALL those created in the image and likeness of their Creator. The stakes are even higher for the ones who are being re-created in the image and likeness of the Son!
To be critical of the Holy Spirit's work in a person is a slippery slope. Jesus warned us in the strongest language about not going there. And any self-sanctioned practice of justifying our low opinion of someone because they are "difficult" to deal with in any context is positioning ourselves for some "corrective measures" that would be unnecessary had we chosen to follow Jesus' standards from the start!
Stan
A couple of comments back to you, Stan.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I think denominationalism is a result of people wanting to be with like-minded people--xenophobia rules!
Second,I was speaking with a young man married only a short time and is discovering the "difficulties" of his new wife. As I listened I realized he's too ful of his own view of her difficulties to be objective in seeing how the Lord will use him to help his wife in her difficulties... and to see how he is also a difficult person for her!!
Greg,
ReplyDeleteNot only have you removed the candy-coating upon our fleshly tendencies even among the people of God but you have also revealed the bitter pill we have to swallow as a result. We so often only wish "you people" were as enlightened as we are so we could all be right together (or misinformed together). The "if-only" syndrome is a prejudice against God's perfect strategy of creating us as unique individuals with specific gifts and callings, both to the world and to the Body of Christ.
Regarding the young man complaining about his new wife: I, too, found myself there at one time. I found a secluded place--Stevens Creek reservoir--and whined at God about "the woman that Thou gavest me." His remedy was to have me witness an appointment someone else had with an untimely death and who very well may have gone out into eternity forever away from God! My "problems" didn't seem so big after all by way of contrast. Never again did I attempt to bother God with this issue. I trust your acquaintance won't have so dramatic an illustration as did I but will also be teachable by your counsel. For his sake, I pray the pride of youth will come under the wisdom of God as you speak into his life.
Blessing upon you and your family's ministry!
Stan